2.12 – When We Disconnect from Other People’s Emotions

Why emotional chaos teaches the child to shut down empathy to survive

Empathy isn’t just a trait.

It’s a nervous system function.

And like any system, it can shut down when it’s overwhelmed.

If you grew up in an environment where emotions were unpredictable, unsafe, or manipulative—

your system may have made a quiet decision:

“If I keep feeling everything, I’ll collapse.”

So you stopped.

Emotional shutdown often looks like:

Being detached or “too rational”
Feeling numb around people in distress
Struggling to read emotional signals unless they’re extreme
Getting reactive or cold when someone opens up

It’s not that you don’t care.

It’s that caring started to feel dangerous.

Your body learned to protect you from connection—because connection once meant emotional overload.

This Isn’t a Character Flaw.

It’s a survival adaptation.

And it makes sense:

If your parents’ emotions consumed the room, you learned to disappear.
If you were punished for being sensitive, you became strategic.
If love was inconsistent, you stopped expecting it—and stopped feeling it too.

This is how the false self disconnects from empathy—not just toward others, but also toward yourself.

The First Step Isn’t “Opening Back Up.”

It’s recognizing why you closed.

Only then can empathy become safe again.

And not something you use to manage others—

but something that helps you connect, feel, and belong.

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