Imagine this as toolset library
Every time you feel stuck, overwhelmed, confused, or hurt—you can open the toolbox, find the tool that fits the moment, and use it to see things more clearly. Some tools help you understand your own behavior. Others help you make sense of what someone else is doing. All of them are grounded in the same map.
Simple Scales for recognizing harm, tracking your state, and shifting toward safety
Each scale makes it easier to:
- Name what’s happening emotionally (in you or around you)
- Understand the intent behind actions
- Recognize when a line is being crossed
These Scales help you make sense of harm, see through manipulation, and reclaim your inner compass.
These tools aren’t here to fix you.
They’re here to help you see yourself clearly—without shame.
The Gradient Scale of Emotional Hurt
Understand the difference between discomfort, harm, and abuse—so you stop doubting your pain and start protecting your peace.
The Accountability Gradient Scale
See what real accountability looks like—and how to recognize when someone is performing change instead of living it.
The Entitlement Gradient Scale
Clarify when self-worth becomes control—and how to protect your autonomy from emotional demands that feel like love.
The Control Gradient Scale
Trace how fear becomes control—and how to set boundaries when someone’s behavior starts tightening around your freedom.
The Empathy Gradient Scale
Learn how empathy changes across different nervous system states—and how it can be used for connection, protection, or manipulation.
The Confidence Gradient Scale
Explore the emotional line between grounded confidence and performative superiority—and how insecurity can hide in both.
The Self-Awareness Gradient Scale
See the difference between real reflection and reactive self-monitoring—so you can grow without getting stuck in self-doubt or over-analysis.
The Integrity Gradient Scale
Distinguish between values you claim and values you live—and learn how to spot when someone is out of alignment.
Reality Check-In Tools
Every tool in this library connects back to the core frameworks of The Emotional Blueprint.
Together, they help you:
- Understand emotional patterns
- Recognize manipulation without self-blame
- Practice clearer boundaries
- Build healthier dynamics—inward and outward
These tools aren’t here to fix you.
They’re here to help you see clearly, so you can choose what feels safe, real, and right for you.
You don’t need to know all the answers.
You just need the right lens.
🌈 Coming Soon: The Gradient Scales Collection
We’re building a new set of tools called the Gradient Scales—
to help you see emotional patterns more clearly, one shift at a time.
Coming soon as printable guides and interactive pages:
- The Shame Manipulation Scale
- The Real Apology Scale
- The Genuine Repair Compass
- Manipulative Mode vs. Defense Mode
- The Window of Curiosity
- The Emotional Weaponization Scale
- The Gradient of Respect
- Healthy Power vs. Control
These tools are designed to support your clarity—not tell you what to feel.
Each one is a lens to help you name what’s happening—and what’s needed.
How Our Nervous System Shifts – The 2 Modes Gradient
Before we can talk about trauma, identity, or healing—we need to understand one thing:
Your emotions shift based on how safe your nervous system feels
This 2-modes gradient shows the core states your body moves through—and helps you see where you are, and what you’re reacting from.
How Our Nervous System Shifts – The 2 Modes Gradient
How Our Nervous System Shifts – The 4 Modes Gradient⌗ Comparative Framework Chart
The Toolbox Library (scales, quizzes, check-ins) × Evidence-based Foundations
Toolbox Item (function) | Skill Targeted | Closest Evidence-Based Construct | Core Theory / Model | Key Thinker(s) |
Gradient Scales (Hurt, Control, Entitlement, Empathy, etc.) | Situational appraisal & boundary recognition | “Name-it-to-tame-it” component of emotional intelligence; trauma-informed principle of safety & trust | Goleman’s Self-Awareness & Social Awareness quadrants ; SAMHSA’s 6 trauma-informed pillars (“safety → trust → choice”) 2 | Daniel Goleman · SAMHSA |
Window-of-Curiosity / Window-of-Tolerance add-on | State tracking & nervous-system literacy | Window of Tolerance (optimal arousal band) | Siegel’s Interpersonal Neurobiology: ventral = curiosity; hypo/hyper = collapse/fight-flight | Daniel Siegel |
Emotional Hurt Gradient | Differentiating discomfort vs. harm vs. manipulation | Threat appraisal & trauma trigger mapping | Polyvagal ladder (ventral = mild discomfort, sympathetic = harm alarm, dorsal = collapse) ; Emotional-processing theory (Foa) | Stephen Porges · Edna Foa |
Accountability + Integrity Scales | Detection of genuine repair vs. image-management | Kohlberg’s post-conventional morality; Relational Ethics (Nagy) | Behaviour judged by congruence of words & deeds—moral development moves from rules → principles | Lawrence Kohlberg · Ivan B. Nagy |
Empathy Gradient | Sorting care, selective care, manipulative care | Mayer-Salovey “Using Emotions” branch; EI competence “empathic accuracy” | Ability-EI model: perceive → use → understand → manage emotions 1 | Mayer · Salovey |
Confidence Gradient | Differentiating grounded worth vs. superiority mask | Secure vs. defensive self-esteem; Self-Determination Theory (autonomy, competence, relatedness) | Baumeister’s secure/fragile self-esteem; Deci & Ryan SDT | Baumeister · Deci & Ryan |
Role Mask Gradient + Self-Awareness Scale | Identity de-fusion & parts integration | Winnicott “false self”, Internal Family Systems (protectors vs. Self) | Cognitive-developmental identity achievement (Marcia) & IFS parts model | D. W. Winnicott · Richard Schwartz |
Red-Flags / Unmasking Manipulation tools | Early detection of coercive control | Stark’s Coercive-Control theory; Gottman’s “four horsemen” predictors | Behaviour-change models emphasise cue-detect/decide phase (COM-B “opportunity”) | Evan Stark · John Gottman |
Green-Flags Quiz | Positive reinforcement & safety mapping | Broaden-and-Build theory of positive emotions; Attachment security signals | Secure-base markers (Bowlby) encourage exploratory behaviour ; Fredrickson broaden effect 6 | John Bowlby · Barbara Fredrickson |
Reality-Check-Ins (Emotional Maturity Quiz, Manipulation lens) | Meta-cognition & stage matching | Prochaska & DiClemente Stages-of-Change—pre-contemplation → maintenance | James Prochaska · Carlo DiClemente | |
Somatic “State-Shift” prompts inside each scale (breathe, ground, move) | Bottom-up regulation & vagal toning | Somatic Experiencing pendulation; Sensory-motor psychotherapy | Levine’s trauma discharge cycle; Ogden’s movement-based completion 10 | Peter Levine · Pat Ogden |
How the Links Validate the Toolbox
- Every Gradient Scale begins with labelling current state (“Where am I on the slider?”). This mirrors Goleman’s first EQ domain—self-awareness—which empirical reviews show is the gateway to emotion regulation and healthier relationships .
- Colour-band layouts echo Siegel’s Window of Tolerance: green/ventral for safety, yellow/sympathetic for mobilised defence, red/dorsal for collapse. Trauma-informed care emphasises teaching that map so clients can titrate activation rather than dissociate .
- The “Shift Suggestions” (grounding, breath, movement) that appear under each scale borrow directly from Levine’s Somatic Experiencing idea of titration and pendulation—small oscillations between activation and rest to discharge stored arousal without overwhelm .
- The Accountability / Integrity pair operationalise behaviour-change science: they offer users a quick discrepancy check (current behaviour vs. stated value), which COM-B literature flags as the cognitive gateway to the Preparation → Action transition 8.
- Red-Flag & Manipulation tools read like Stark’s coercive-control checklist—gas-lighting, isolation, role-based dominance—which research shows is better detected when survivors have clear behavioural exemplars instead of abstract definitions .
- Green-Flag tool leverages attachment theory: repeated experiences of attuned response create secure internal working models, broaden attention, and build resilience—exactly what Fredrickson’s positive-emotion studies confirm at a physiological level 3.
These alignments show that every page of the Toolbox Library sits on decades of peer-reviewed models while translating them into quick-grab visuals people can actually use in a flash-flood of emotion.
This space is for the ones who don't gatekeep. Who learn out loud. Who value emotional safety over performance. We’re not here to be perfect— we’re here to grow, together.
The Emotional Gradient Blueprint (TEG-Blue™) © 2025 by Anna Paretas
Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
This is a living document. Please cite responsibly.
🌐 emotionalblueprint.org ┃ 📩 annaparetas@emotionalblueprint.org