A simple tool to assess intent, growth, and emotional safety
Why This Tool Exists
Sometimes you feel it—but don’t know how to name it. The emotional gap between you and someone else.
The sense that something’s missing.
This tool offers 3 reflection questions
to help you understand someone’s emotional maturity—
and whether it’s safe to stay close.
🔍 1. DO THEY SEE THEMSELVES CLEARLY?
Self-awareness is the first sign of emotional growth.
What to look for:
- They can name their flaws without shame or defense
- They recognize their own patterns over time
- They don’t always need to be right
If someone refuses to look inward,
you’ll always be the mirror they want to break.
🔍 2. DO THEY USE THEIR EMOTIONAL INSIGHT TO BUILD OR TO CONTROL?
Emotional intelligence can heal—or manipulate.
What to look for:
- Do they use empathy to connect—or to guilt?
- Do they calm situations—or steer them to keep power?
- Do they understand feelings—but ignore your boundaries?
The more someone knows about emotions,
the more important it is to ask:
What are they doing with that knowledge?
🔍 3. DO THEY GROW AFTER THEY HURT YOU?
Remorse isn’t just a feeling—it’s a pattern.
What to look for:
- They take responsibility without being cornered
- They repair without making it about them
- They change behavior—not just language
Mature people grow from conflict.
Immature ones rewrite it.
How to Use This Tool
Use this snapshot when you’re:
- Unsure whether someone is safe to open up to
- Feeling guilty for needing distance
- Questioning whether you're asking for too much
This is not a diagnostic.
It’s a flashlight.
Notes for Neurodivergent Folks
You may give people the benefit of the doubt again and again—
especially if you value emotional growth.
This tool helps you recognize when growth isn’t happening—
and when it’s okay to stop waiting.
Final Words
You’re not demanding too much.
You’re asking for emotional safety.
This tool isn’t here to judge others.
It’s here to protect your peace.
Emotional maturity isn’t about perfection.
It’s about accountability, care, and the capacity to grow.
This space is for the ones who don't gatekeep. Who learn out loud. Who value emotional safety over performance. We’re not here to be perfect— we’re here to grow, together.
The Emotional Gradient Blueprint (TEG-Blue™) © 2025 by Anna Paretas
Licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
This is a living document. Please cite responsibly.
🌐 emotionalblueprint.org ┃ 📩 annaparetas@emotionalblueprint.org